Quiet quitting or loud living?

Written by Emma Barker

Recently, much has been made of quiet quitting - a phenomenon that actually became viral on TikTok. So, what is quiet quitting and how is it relevant in the modern workplace?

Quiet quitting has been defined as:

“An informal term for the practice of reducing the amount of effort one devotes to one’s job, such as by stopping the completion of any tasks not explicitly stated in the job description. The term implies that this is done secretly or without notifying one’s boss or manager.” [i]

Many suggest that quiet quitting is a passive aggressive way to put your employer on notice that you are dissatisfied with your job, pay and expectations of working above and beyond your contract. What if quiet quitting is an opportunity to have a healthy review of the modern workplace?

The unprecedented lockdowns where employees were forced into working from home, turned the traditional office way of working on its head. This created space for employees to evaluate what is important to them and what may have been out of balance. With the ability to return to the office, many workplaces are turning to a hybrid way of working to take advantage of the benefits seen in lockdown.

Employees are in a state of flux, experimenting with creating balance between work and home. Conflict arises when their expectations don’t match the expectations of their leaders/employers [ii].

Why are people quiet quitting?

This often depends on what the quitting looks like. Are people ‘living loud’ by re-evaluating their homelife and placing boundaries around their work? This might look like productively working to their contracted hours, not replying to emails after hours and working flexibly adding home activities in a workday, such as going to the gym during the day.  Or does it look like passive aggressive behaviour, disengagement from the team, missing deadlines, not picking up calls and avoidance?

A healthy work relationship incorporates good boundaries. Boundaries help you determine what is ok and what is not ok, where you draw a line within a relationship. They clarify how much you are willing to give or take before requiring that things change or deciding to call it quits. Good boundaries include setting clear expectations, transparent communication, and still incorporate a degree of flexibility. Loud living is letting everyone know where your limits lie, whereas quiet quitting indicates poor boundary setting and avoiding difficult conversations.

Guidance for leaders

To help encourage team members towards loud living and away from quiet quitting, leaders can consider:

• What is the level of trust within their team? Do team members feel they can have open conversations without fear of retribution? Consider incorporating Brene Brown’s model of BRAVING: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgement, Generosity, into your workplace relationships [iii].
• How connected is your team? Create opportunities for connections with team members through regular one-to-one contact, such as feedback sessions that embrace deep listening and vulnerability. Simon Sinek suggests hybrid working requires you to be prescriptive and arrange gatherings/huddles where more than just work is discussed, so team members get to know each other [iv].
• How realistic are your teams’ workloads? Are employees receiving opportunities to achieve and rewards to keep them engaged? This might look like training, support, encouragement and achievable goals. Acknowledge that going above and beyond is an individual choice rather than a team expectation and is balanced with wellbeing.

Re-engaging

If you have made the decision not to quit but are feeling disengaged and are quietly quitting, perhaps this is the time to consider how to re-engage in your work. We spend a significant part of our lives in work and spending that time in a place of dissatisfaction can bleed through to other areas in our lives, including the energy you project when you are actively job hunting. Underlying the quiet quitting, there is often the fear of an uncomfortable conversation. If you have not quit, now is the time to face that fear and turn towards re-engagement.

What does an uncomfortable conversation look like?

• Telling your manager that you are not feeling challenged enough in your role and what options might be available for progression
• Letting your colleagues/manager know that you are at capacity, and you cannot take on that extra project
• Responding to incivility from your colleague

A courageous conversation requires preparation, because how you show up emotionally determines your success.  Your fear of how the other person could react and what might be underpinning the situation is often why the conversation was avoided in the first place. When you develop an understanding of your defensive reactions, you can see how these project into, and subsequently influence, a conversation.

Susan David (Emotional Agility) states:

“Conflict becomes a dispute when you run out of skills to use.”[v]

Luckily these skills are teachable. Like any athlete, with time, effort, and focused attention on our behaviours, we can show up with authenticity and intentionality with the tools for a respectful dialogue. While we can’t control how the other person reacts or feels, we can influence how the conversation goesby planning ahead.

Shifting away from the view that a difficult conversation is negative moves us towards the possibility of it being a way to bring relief to your situation and a path towards loud living.

Having a coaching service available for all staff assists people by helping them to prepare and show up differently when having challenging conversations, and provides a powerful tool for addressing quiet quitting in the workplace. Fair Way provides a range of conflict management solutions. Our Kāpehu service provides a safe space to be vulnerable, have an open conversation, and sense check your perceptions.

If you would like to find out more about Fair Way’s workplace services, please get in touch via workplace@fairwayresolution.com or call 0800 77 44 08.

Footnotes

[i] Dictionary.com, Quiet quitting: https://www.dictionary.com/e/quiet-quitting/
[ii] Getting real about hybrid work | McKinsey: https://www.mckinsey.com/capabilities/people-and-organizational-performance/our-insights/its-time-for-leaders-to-get-real-about-hybrid
[iii] Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, 2018
[iv] Simon Sinek Connection in the Remote Work Era: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMqMABIXr8E&ab_channel=SimonSinek
[v] Emotional Agility, Susan David, 2016

About the author

Emma is an experienced Resolution Facilitator within the Commercial Services team at Fair Way. She specialises in workplace conflict coaching and the delivery of conflict management training.

If you would like to get in touch with Emma, you can contact her by emailing workplace@fairwayresolution.com