Separation series - Starting your co-parenting journey
This is the first instalment in Fair Way’s new Separation Series, focusing on the experiences and challenges families face during separation. This piece was written by Samantha de Coning.
The decision to end a relationship and the process of separating has many challenges. For parents, while their romantic relationship has ended, there is still the need to continue their co-parenting relationship and work together to support their children through this change. The reality is that this can be hard to do, especially when both parents are coping with the emotional impact of their separation and are struggling to navigate how to move forward.
For many parents, while there is a strong desire to have a positive co-parenting relationship with the other parent, they can feel stuck and unsure of how to achieve this. It is often difficult to communicate, and discussions can quickly escalate into disagreements. Uncertainty around future plans can also result in parents being reluctant to make long term care arrangements for their children. The result is that parents may feel that they are constantly needing to negotiate time with the other parent and this can increase conflict and potentially, the long-term health of their co-parenting relationship.
Getting help at this early stage can make a big difference going forward. Family Dispute Mediation (FDR) can assist parents to make an interim plan for their children. The FDR mediator will assist you to communicate about your children’s immediate and long term needs and how you will co-parent together. The mediator will also assist you to make joint decisions for your children and a parenting plan for their care. FDR is a flexible process and parents have the option of returning to review these arrangements. For parents who are newly separated, a review can be held once other decisions have been made and the parents are ready to make long term arrangements for their children.
Having a plan in place can provide parents with the time and space to process their emotions. It reduces the need to negotiate and therefore reduces further conflict. Importantly, it also creates certainty for children and reduces the anxiety parents may be feeling about their wellbeing during this time.
About this blog
When couples separate, there is a lot to think about and sort through. Fair Way supports families through separation each day, so we have decided to create an article series that shares information and advice on the common challenges faced by parents navigating this change.
If you need some support, reach out to Fair Way. Each day, our team of expert Family Dispute Resolution mediators support whānau throughout Aotearoa to create a parenting plans. We also provide Relationship Property mediation services when people need to work through how they will divide their shared property. Contact us on 0800 77 44 20 to see how we can help you.
